Today.
As I sit here in the middle of technical rehearsals for Sons of the Prophet at Theater J in Washington DC, shaken emotionally from the turmoil that rattled through the streets and venues of Paris last night, it also forced a new thought into my mind: "What about here? What about where I live in DC?" 

Last night.
I was out with my friend last night, she is currently a lead in the National Opera's Appomatix at the Kennedy Center, she and I both sat in a restaurant near our homes meeting for some friendly frivolity and good eats at the local Copper Canyon Grille, I sat there and thought, what about us? What about right now? What happens if a gunman pulls out an assault riffle and shoots us, right here, in the midst of our dinner? What happens to Leah? What happens to me? What happens to the world and the lives we're living? Will someone know to call our stage managers and tell them we're unable to come in? Will someone notify my parents? Will someone even be able to identify my body? What if it is a bomb instead of a gun? Will I be able to have my death plans still intact? Will my soul find heaven? Will my loved ones guide my journey to the next realm? What happens to the survivors? Will I be one of them?  

I am terrified.
September 11th happened a while ago, but I remember it like yesterday. I lived in a town 7 miles from a mostly inactive military base. Terror to a 12 year old is watching military trucks roll in like it was a post apocalyptic film. Watching gas stations run out of gas, watching people panic, watching inactivity go to full blown training center for death and destruction in the efforts of war. Suddenly, it hit home. Knowing now what that feeling was like, I cannot fathom the profound sense of grief, loss, and pure terror of being in an active situation like Paris has seen, and yet, it is the societal norm in many middle eastern countries and for many other locations in the world. The normal is terror, hatred, and death. When did the world become this way? Why?

Can we change the world through love?
I can only hope that the world is changing. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's dream has been realized in some small capacities, and yet, there are MILES to go before we walk hand in hand, arm in arm, together. We have marriage equality, we have strong people of every ethnicity in many locations, but it is not enough. What is enough? What goal do we feel is the appropriate end? Is there an end? Can others find a similar path to healing and rebuilding? Who is right? 

I had the very good fortune to work alongside and see the work of some very influential people of this era. Both in Chautauqua, and here in DC, Eva DuVernay, director of Selma the film, spoke at Chautauqua about her thoughts in directing this pivotal American film. She mentioned that her interest sparks not only from growing up in the namesake town, but also hearing the push for freedom, the cry of the mother who's child was dumped at a hospital and not taken care of, and the terror of the unknown members of the KKK knocking on your door with bricks while crosses burn in your front lawn. I have to wonder, is this how the people of the Middle East feel? Are these terror plots comparable? Is comparison right? 

This show,
Sons of the Prophet may not be directly about anything to do with terror and all the horrible awful going on in the world; and yet, to me, it has everything to do with terror in life, A gay man works for health insurance to survive, a father's death, an uncle's concern for family, a boss who has nothing but her assistant, a brother torn on where to care, and a sense of desperation about being alone in the world. Is this where we find the root of the world's problems? In our differences? Is it too difficult to accept each other for the uniqueness that is our global differences? 

Food for thought on this Saturday. 

Tonight I had the distinct honor of being invited to the World Premiere Invited Dress Rehearsal of Appomatix at the Opera House in the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, by non-other than my good friend Leah Hawkins, who is one of the lead cast members in the opera. 

First: my small unimportant review. 
Act 1: Far too lengthy with only about 35 - 40 minutes actually being necessary information. Although beautiful in its design and performance! 
​
Act 2: BRILLIANT, I wished that Act 1 had been more like Act 2. Here's why: 100 years after we see the end of the Civil War, we are in 1965 D.C., the White House, and seeing not only the struggle LBJ was facing, but truly focusing on the core of the whole show, which was the Civil Rights movement, the equal voting movement, the equality divide, and so many other components. There was an electricity in Act 2 that just did not exist in Act 1, and I was so removed from it. Act 2 brought me right into the story immediately, I felt for all of the characters, I felt challenged by an opera which is what I had wanted in Act 1. 

Act 3: Short, direct, and full of an almost unbearable tension, that made my blood boil but also brought tears to my eyes. 

The Finale: God if only the whole show could have been that on repeat, absolutely STUNNING cohesion of all the design elements, the singers, the musicians, the management, everything was flawless. I could have listened to that until I died and been happy all the days of my life. More about this below! :) 

Now- the fun part. 
Phillip Glass was in the audience. Why? Because he wrote the music and created this production with libretto by Christopher Hampton. First off, let me start by saying how much I admire Glass's work. I have used it as inspiration for my job in the theatre industry, and have turned to it when I needed to have an emotional purge. My favorite piece of his is still Dead Things. 
That said, I sort of had an inkling he might be there tonight because there was an extra tech table in the audience not near any other table, and with two lights on it, I sort of did the math and thought, well, maybe, just maybe by some happenstance it'll be him. Sure enough, 2 minutes before curtain, I spot him taking his place at this table.... 4 rows in front of me. Yes, a mere 10 feet separated me and one of my composer idols. 

Now, let's be honest, I'm not ashamed of fan-girling when appropriate, behind closed doors, and with close friends, but I had all I could do not to rush down to him and thank him for everything. Luckily, instinct kicks in after about a split second and you suddenly realize how uncool that would be to do that sort of thing, and not to mention how deranged I would look just bursting over 4 perfectly good rows of seats filled with no one. So, I sat back, thought, well, I have one of the most unique perspectives tonight. Not only did I get to watch this world premiere as a first audience, but I also got to watch it through Phillip Glass's perspective. I literally sat directly behind him, and although I was not seeing it through his direct eyes, the vision was still there, listening and riding every single melisma of music, every nuance played so accurately by the extremely talented orchestra at the Opera House. Watching the conductor's baton rise and fall, arms outstretched cueing the singers, watching Leah ride the waves of sound in her big debut on the Opera House stage, it was surreal. 

The most exciting moment for me was the end. A group of 30 or so women stand in a collective clump and have an absolutely haunting melodic and harmonious phrasing structure while the 5 lead women press on with another Glass specialty in counterpoint. It suddenly fades into the 5 women only singing, and then we are left with one sole singer, center stage, holding a 10 bar high note, delicately placed with the orchestra completely cut out. She releases the note, the orchestra provides the resolution to the music, everyone starts clapping, and Phillip Glass without a break in the moment puts his hands in the air as if to silence a room, and by God did everyone immediately stop their cheer, as the entire collective group of women RE-RESOLVED the counter point that was previously going. Mind. Blown. I could not keep sitting and as soon as the lights hit their black out I was on my feet feverishly applauding the gorgeous work I had seen. 

It still does not occur to me the number of people that I will meet and watch do their craft who I so greatly admire, it is a bewildering labor of love and also excitement to be in this industry, to sit mere feet away from names I had only ever known by hearing their voice or listening to their brilliance in composition. I continually pinch myself when I walk in those hallowed halls at the Kennedy Center, one of the largest and most prestigious venues in the world, undoubtedly perfect for so many reasons, most of all, to me, because I get to call it my job, at least for now while on this fellowship. I am blessed. I am honored and humbled daily in my work. 

More postings coming soon! 
Remember to be kind, be humble, and be the you inside that wants to live on the outside of you. 

Friends, Colleagues, Family: 

Please help my dear friend Joshua Runkles, who just went under emergency open-heart surgery for an Aortic Dissection that came at quite possibly one of the worst times in his life. No insurance, no income due to the severity of the issue, and a really large medical bill.... he needs all of the help he can get! 

Visit the GoFundMe page and donate to help this incredible theatre person out! 
https://www.gofundme.com/runkles

We're close to the original goal, can we surpass it!? 

Last night was one for the record books. 

Dairus and Twig written by Caleen Jennings for the stage was opened in the Family Theater at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. I was the sound designer. 

Since I visited the Kennedy Center back in 2011 with KCACTF I dreamed that one day I could design a production there, maybe one day even in one of the larger theaters. And then the dream came true. What do you do when you've reached your goals in life? What do you say to someone when they ask what you hope to do in life? "I've done it already?" No, that would be far too prideful; and yet, somehow satisfying internally to even have the knowledge that you have made a goal of your life come true. 

What it boils down to, and this is something I have felt in my own life, is being willing to push yourself, mind, body, and spirit to the absolute point of breaking, and then taking a moment to realize that you're not broken, and continue forward to another point of breaking. Life isn't easy, life is not a journey to be taken on alone. We in theatre are collaborative beings all striving towards one common goal. The production on opening night. 

It is absolutely wonderful to get to opening night and watch everyone breathe a sigh of relief. Our work is complete, we present it to a paying audience, and we move along to the next production. We also get crazy and take photos in front of step and repeats, we gather together as a whole company and laugh, drink champagne, eat cake, chat about the fun and the moments we enjoy in the production and make promises to work together again really soon. 

I swear there is a moment where Walt Disney himself comes in, waves a magic wand, and suddenly we're all transfixed and transformed into this beautiful moment that we cannot explain, we all are at a "ball" so to speak, dancing the night away and feeling on top of our games. Of course, there is the moment after when everyone is departing and the magic slowly fades away, like a well executed series of cues called by a stage manager in just the perfect way, that you begin to realize that you didn't breathe, you didn't know that the night had slowly slipped away, and you're in an Über driving to your next event of the night... somehow your pumpkin carriage turned to a pumpkin again, and you're riding on the backs of four white mice, a goose who's driving, and a dog who barks that midnight is passed. 

More to come, 
Articles I'm looking to expand on: 
- Sound Designer Visibility in the Workplace
Funding of Sound Design Education
​

Hello friends, readers, and colleagues, 

It has been a long time coming, but I finally have decided that I will be blogging again on my website. After a few failed attempts at figuring out what it is I want to write about, and more importantly just get ideas and thoughts off my mind and chest, I turn to your brains, collectively and more importantly your hearts to not only read, but respond and be a part of my journey in life. 

Some things have changed. 

I now call Silver Spring, MD home. This happened by way of attending Grad-School at the University of North Carolina School of the Arts for my Master of Fine Arts Degree in Sound Design for Theatre. As a part of my education, students from the previous 5 years of graduation are allowed to apply to the William R Kenan Jr fellowship at The John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts in Washington DC. I applied, interviewed, and was accepted as a sound design fellow. As part of my duties in this position, I am the resident sound design assistant at Theater J in DC where we just closed a World Premiere Play: Queens Girl in the World, and are now in rehearsals for Sons of the Prophet. After that, I will be designing their show: Stars of David. Additionally, I am able to do other design opportunities that arise, such as Darius and Twig at the Family Theater in the Kennedy Center, I have also been a part of Shakespeare Theatre Company's over-hire list working on TedXMidAtlantic and The Atlantic Live: Washington Ideas Forum. I have designed 4 Millennium Stage events at the Center, and hope to continue this very great opportunity. 

Adjusting to new life. 

It's been a huge adjustment the past 6 months or so. I packed up my entire life, I finished my thesis, I graduated with an MFA, I moved home to WI for 6 weeks, I was in my best friend's wedding, I moved to Chautauqua NY for the summer, I worked with a vast array of incredibly well known people, I acted and performed onstage with Carol Burnett in front of nearly 7000 people, I said goodbye to a few chapters, I moved to DC, I started a dream fellowship, I've worked with incredible artists and humans who make me a stronger and better person, and I've refocused my energies in my own life. 

They say it can take time to recover from grad-school's intense and rigorous experience, and that certainly is true for me. I will never play a victim, but I certainly felt the taxing effects of top-notch education. I became unhealthy, I fell back into really old and gross eating habits, and now, struggle to find the balance that I had in 2012 and 2013 with my life. Fast forward to today, and I am heavier, bigger, and mentally foggy when I want to be crystal clear. Insert the voice in the back of my head: "You can do what you've done before, it took time to refocus your health, but you did it then, you can do it now." So, here I sit, at my desk, having only had 12 oz of coca-cola when I would have had 32. Water, and aspirin are my saviors while attempting to kill a caffeine headache. 

Still single. 

While grad school, undergrad, and professional life in theatre is certainly not easy, nor does it leave much time for outside activities, it does wear and tear on a person who is single and feels semi-alone in the world. I'm always honest, to a fault at times, but have never let that stop me. I think being raised as an only child benefitted me in making me be self sufficient early on in life, but as many have told me, it can be extremely relieving to lean on others for day to day struggles. I am my mother's child. There are many times I open my mouth and swear I've heard my mom talking next to me, only to realize that only my mouth was moving and the air I had previously brought into my body was expelling her tone and words to a "T." She raised me to be a tough cookie, when bullied and threatened in my early years of education, she was there, teaching me how to standup for myself, wiping away the tears, telling me I am stronger than my attacker. She kept an avid eye on me when I think she figured out I was gay, before I knew what that meant. I know that when I finally figured everything out, it was into her arms I ran when it felt that the world had not crumbled down around me after I came out. It took a while to realize that I had become like her in so many other ways too. She led a solid life before meeting my father at an off-chance moment while working 5 jobs. I guess the busier we are, the more open to opportunities? Who knows?

Life plans?

What's coming up, where am I going? Time can only say. Check my "Upcoming Opportunities" on my home page for current shows, but right now, my fellowship lasts until the end of April, after that is a wide array of opportunities. I hope to continue in some capacity with the KC, I love it there, I fall in love with the building every single time I walk in. It does not "get old" to walk in those hallowed halls of art and performance and realize I've stood where some of the world's greatest individuals have trod. I also plan to continue designing full time. I have loved my incredible opportunities to create with others and to open doors that were previously unseen within rehearsals. Teaching is still very much at the forefront of my mind. I continue to collect information, materials, and relevant experience I want to bring into my classroom one day. I don't know where that will be, I am but a cloud in the sky, willing and able to go where the wind should take me. 

Thank you. 

I know that in today's age, we are all about immediate gratification, we've forgotten to be kind and lead with our hearts. I live life by the heart and soul. Stay tuned for more details and more updates! My goals are to create new blog updates once a week, with extra posts when something should arise. In the future, it is possible that I may start YouTube-ing and just connecting with my friends, family, and colleagues in multiple forms. Let me know what you'd like to know in a comment below, maybe we can search the world wide web and life experiences and come up with some solutions to life's questions.

Peace and Love. 
​-J