Has Your Heart...

Has your heart ever been so full that all you can seem to do is allow the steady stream of tears to flow from your eyes, because there clearly isn't anything else to do? That seems to be a reoccurring theme this past week for me. From mixing this beautiful cabaret at Signature Theatre, to designing a Jewish Holiday-esque show, to reading 20-something brand new plays written by very talented young writers, to talking shop with fellow alumni, talking about the summer plans (of which I have no idea which route I'm planning to take... someone need a sound designer?!), to just being swept up by a gospel choir in the cabaret... ya'll, it's the HOLIDAZE! 

I say "holidaze" because I am truly dazed by the amount of stuff I'm doing, interviewing for, and just finally seeing all the puzzle pieces fit together for the first time. Maybe it's not the pieces so much so that I've been stumbling trying to put together a puzzle in the pitch black of night with no light and no idea where to find the pieces. There have been many lightning bug echoes of illumination along the process, but it is often difficult to see everything you need to see at the moment the flicker happens. So, here you are, fumbling, with tiny little bug butt lights going crazy, you're naturally half crazy anyway, and you're trying to put this damn puzzle together and you don't even know what the final picture is supposed to be; suddenly, you've got the brightest shining stars lighting your pathway and suddenly everything feels solid, committed, and sort of laid out like this magical path that diverges in the woods... somewhere along that divergence, I must have taken the one less travelled, for I am all the wiser and better for doing so. 

On Equality and The Dream.
Tonight, our fantastic drummer and I had a great conversation about children today, how there is a serious lack of respect and discipline in many of today's youth. We had quite a lengthy chat about how to correct it, how to keep kids out of trouble, and yet allow self expression... it all stems from the ARTS. We're all hell raisers at some point, if you're not, are you living life to the fullest? 

I just had a moment during our show tonight where I felt as not only one of the group making this production happen, but pure acceptance. I can't describe it more than that. The feeling is pure, it is from a place of holy light, and it does not judge, it does not boast, it does not act in selfish ways, it is pure radiance. The gospel choir tonight and for every performance sings three songs: Emmanuel, Honor The King, and Celebrate (It's not the one that popped into your head either). I cannot begin to describe how emotionally invested and quite frankly overwhelmed I felt when I finally got the mix I wanted, but more so, the grove and the audience's enjoyment of the moment, but the small revelation that had happened in my mind too. For once, I felt that I truly missed my church core... the Newman Center group that I felt like I could be pure radiance in as well. Is it a time for religious change for me? I don't know. Do I suddenly want to drop my Catholic faith and join these fabulous singers because their soul and spirit call me to worship with them? Perhaps. 

I think what really sold me tonight was watching and remember Dr.King's words breathe life in these people, these strangers, these creatures of holy inspiration. I truly felt connected. There were no duds in the audience, we were all there, clapping, singing, breathing, rejoicing, and most importantly, being. We were being, together. We did not have pretense, nor did we have discrepancy of religions, race, sexuality, identity, no, we had music, we had rhythm, we had harmony, we had Nova Payton leading a song that I think Dr.King himself would have rejoiced along with. Tonight I felt connected, hand in hand, heart to heart, soul to soul.. and did it feel good... you bet your sweet soul it did.